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remixiedTitle: Confessions Arc: I Will (4/?)
Fandom: Super Junior
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Yewook
Summary: In which Jongwoon is lovesick and Ryeowook is understanding
A/N: I hate this, haha. Concrit would be greatly appreciated. If anyone can come up with a better honorific for the vocal coach, I'd appreciate your input. Warning for BRIEF mention of Only 13. And... I think that's about it. Lyrics are from I Will//Allison Krauss
For previous parts: (though they can be read as stand alones) Hanchul | Eunhae | Henbum
"I Will"
"You know, when you really love someone- You just go for it!" Henry, Gao Bai//SJM
"Who knows how long I've loved/you know I love you still/well I wait a lonely lifetime/if you want me to/I will."
Ryeowook has a smile like all things good in the world, it's the kind of smile you can't help but return, even if it breaks your heart a little because you know it's never going to be a smile that's just for you.
Jongwoon knows he's not the type of person that will make anyone experience love at first sight, especially if the first time someone meets him, he's splayed out on the floor, face first, the result of tripping over his own two feet. But the smile Ryeowook gave him as he helped him up definitely did a number on him, "Are you alright?"
He can't remember what he said in response, if he'd even thanked him, because the next thing he knew Ryeowook was laughing shyly behind the most beautiful hands he'd seen, he spoke without thinking, "Do you play piano?"
Ryeowook dropped his hands, still smiling he shrugged, "Sometimes,"
Jongwoon did his best to smile back, still slightly stunned, "I'd love to watch you play sometime."
He lifted a delicate eyebrow in question, "Watch?"
"Listen, I meant listen! Sorry, I uh must've hit my head..." he trailed off lamely, feeling his face color.
A group of rowdy boys pushed out of one of the adjacent rooms, one of the smaller ones spotted them and waved shouting. Ryeowook waved back just as pleased but decidedly less enthusiastic, when he turned to face Jongwoon he had a sparkle in his eyes and a playful tilt to his lips, "Yeah. Maybe someday."
The boys congregated around them, the one who shouted wrapped a friendly arm around Ryeowook, "Hey, making new friends?"
Ryeowook blushed and shoved him, "Be quiet, Sungmin."
"You know that's impossible," Sungmin said, rolling his eyes as he tugged on Ryeowook's hand, "Well you better say goodbye, we've got Vocal in five."
It took a lot to stop himself from glaring at Sungmin, but his annoyance was quickly diffused by Ryeowook's smile, "I'll see you around um..." he trailed off meaningfully and it took a few embarrassing seconds for Jongwoon to catch up.
"Oh uh. Jongwoon, my name's Jongwoon."
***
"And if I ever saw you/I didn't catch your name/But it never really mattered/I will always feel the same,"
Later on, he realized he'd never gotten Ryeowook's name. He waited in the hallway they'd met in for close to forty five minutes, but there was no sign of him. He wasn't that bothered by it. Tomorrow was another day, and the building wasn't all that big.
He spent most of his free time in that hallway for the following week, leaning against the wall, earphones in, scanning the crowd for a smile. But Ryeowook never came back down that hall. He compromised with himself, decided that even if nothing came of it, he was still happy to feel this kind of love.
Their schedules shifted three weeks later, and Jongwoon ended up with a session in Music Composition two times a week for three and a half hours. He wouldn't be able to wait in the hallway anymore, he realized as he scanned his timetable. Immediately, he knew he was going to hate Composition.
He sighed, shouldering his carry-all as he walked into the scheduled meeting place, taking a seat at the back so he could zone out without getting reprimanded. He pulled out a spiral notebook and started to doodle in the margins, occasionally scribbling down the notes he thought were most useful.
Around an hour later, he'd just finished up a rather accurate drawing of their vocal coach getting eaten by a giant lizard when he heard the door open. He didn't bother looking up as someone ducked in and hurried to the back of the room. The late-comer pulled out the chair next to Jongwoon, settling down quietly.
The next thing he knew, his notebook was pulled out of his grasp. Before he had a chance to complain, it was slid back over, a new note in the margin, Jongwoon-shi?
His eyebrows rose as he turned to look and felt everything else around him swerve as Ryeowook came into focus, smiling brightly. Jongwoon took a deep breath, avoiding hyperventilation as he smiled back. He turned back to the notebook, his pen hovering over the page, what the hell was he supposed to say now...
Hey. So you're in here too?
Yeah. It was a last minute thing though.
Awesome!That's cool.
I didn't get the chance to introduce myself, I'm Ryeowook :)
Nice to meet you. :D
Likewise. Sorry I couldn't stay to talk last time, Sungmin's sort of pushy.
It's okay, it worked out in the end, right?
Ryeowook read his response and smiled shyly before writing back, Are you busy after this?
Jongwoon suddenly felt very lucky that breathing was an involuntary action, No. What's up?
I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to go get coffee or something. I need to borrow your notes from the first hour.
Jongwoon nodded, agreeing before he realized that he hadn't really taken any notes in the beginning. He panicked for a minute, then settled on stealing Jaejoong's.
Is that Jung Hwa-seonsaeng?
He glanced down and realized he'd never erased the unflattering sketch of their vocal coach becoming a meal for a lizard, ...It might be...
Ryeowook covered his smile with one hand while he scribbled out a response with the other, I would have made it a shark.
Later on, they sat at a small table in a cafe around the corner, staring awkwardly over cups of coffee. Jongwoon was too nervous to start up any kind of conversation, he could barely look Ryeowook in the eye.
Until Ryeowook started to laugh, quietly at first, then progressively louder. And for some reason Jongwoon began to laugh along with him. He felt a bittersweet tightening in his chest at the sound of Ryeowook's voice, the sudden rush of emotion combined with his nerves making him laugh even harder. Across from him, Ryeowook was bright red, clutching his stomach. The other patrons stared at them curiously.
When they'd finally calmed down, they grinned at each other. Ryeowook called the waitress over and requested a chocolate milkshake, pushing the cold coffee away from him. Jongwoon smiled and accepted a refill for his empty mug.
***
"Love you forever and forever/love you with all my heart/love you whenever we're together/love you when we're apart,"
"So. Yesung, huh?"
Jongwoon flushed and looked over to see Ryeowook leaning against the doorjamb, duffel slung over his shoulder.
"Yeah, I uh- well, they sort of just told me that's what it was going to be. I mean, I didn't have much of a say..." his tongue slip-tripped over the syllables, jarred by the teasing tone of Ryeowook's voice.
Ryeowook stepped further into the room, eyeing the empty bed across from the one Jongwoon had claimed as his own. He set his bag down on it before stepping closer to Jongwoon, invading his personal space with a grin.
Surprised, or just naturally accident prone, Jongwoon backed himself right into the rolling desk chair and ended up going ass over tea kettle onto the floor, taking the chair down with him. He contemplated whether or not it would be better to just stay down. He groaned and opened his eyes to see Ryeowook leaning over him, eyes wide, a hand clapped over his mouth, "Oh, Yesung!"
He lifted himself onto his forearms and sighed, "No. No matter what they tell you, I'm pretty sure I'm still just Jongwoon."
Ryeowook crouched down next to him, "Yesung suits you, hyung. You've earned it," he paused, considering, "But, I like Jongwoon all the same."
Rooming with Ryeowook was both a great thing, and a terrible thing. Great because he got to spend late nights talking with Ryeowook and got to wake up to him every morning. But, he was also around to witness Jongwoon's least charismatic moments, including (but not limited to) tripping, spilling, dropping, flailing, missing etc.
Ryeowook saw him with bedhead, bad skin and sick with the flu that one time. But he never treated Jongwoon any differently, despite having been exposed to nearly all of his faults. If anything, they got even closer.
But right then, that didn't really register in Jongwoon's mind as he stood in the middle of the kitchen in a face-off with Ryeowook.
"I told you Jongwoon, I can take care of myself."
"And I told you, that you suck at it. Just do what your hyung says."
"Well, you can't just boss me around every time you decide you don't like what I'm doing!"
"The hell I can't! Ryeowook, juice is not a meal. Now sit down and eat something, or so help me God I will forcefeed you myself!" he roared, slamming his hand down on the table.
His eyes widened as Ryeowook's filled with tears, "R-Ryeowook, I didn't mean- fuck."
Ryeowook sent him one last piercing glare and spun on his heel, heading out of the kitchen.
Jongwoon muttered a curse and wiped a hand down his face, 'Good going.'
He found Ryeowook in Donghae's room. They looked up when he pushed the door open, Donghae seemed a little nervous as he excused himself. Ryeowook refused to look at him, even when he sat down and took Ryeowook's hand, "I'm so sorry, Ryeowook. Honestly. I didn't mean to yell. I'm just worried, I-"
"-Then you should have just said so!" When he finally met Jongwoon's eyes, he wasn't crying, but he certainly looked like he had been. Jongwoon cringed.
He hung his head, "I'm sorry."
Ryeowook sighed, scooting closer, "Me too."
Wrapping an arm around Ryeowook's shoulders, he tried, "Would now be a bad time to ask what you want for dinner?"
For a small guy, Ryeowook hits hard.
When Ryeowook got recruited for SJM, Jongwoon called him whenever he could. He did his best to soothe him when he was homesick, shared in his excitement when things were going well, got angry for him when things weren't.
But even through all these emotions, Jongwoon always hung up with a heavy heart, knowing that they would probably never share in the emotion that was most overwhelming to him. Through everything else, there was always love for Ryeowook. A feeling so strong, it somehow made him weak.
One night when Ryeowook was particularly upset after a long day of never ending schedules, Only 13, a sore throat and homesickness, Jongwoon accidently let it slip that he has feelings for Ryeowook. His eyes widened even as his mouth continued to form the words, his shock coming seconds too late. He froze, waiting for a response, but all he heard was Ryeowook's soft, even breathing.
'Asleep,' he thought 'thank God.' There was a twinge of disappointment he didn't let himself dwell on.
***
"And when at last I find you/your song will fill the air/sing it loud so I can hear you/make it easy to be near you,"
Their plane was scheduled to land in half an hour. Jongwoon rocked nervously on his heels, staring out at the tarmac, willing each plane that landed to be Ryeowook's.
He caught a glimpse of his reflection in the pane of glass, a mark on his cheek standing out. He grimaced, wishing he had a way to cover it up. He dreaded explaining it to Ryeowook, 'Yeah, I was in such a hurry to get into the car, I tripped into an opening door. No big deal.'
Over his shoulder, Eeteuk's cell went off. Kangin glared at him as the sound of SNSD's latest single rang out.
"Kangin, it's just a ringtone. Honestly," Eeteuk tsk-ed and pushed the call button as Kangin continued to grumble about cheating boyfriends, "Yeah. Okay. That's fine, we'll meet him there."
Jongwoon made his way over, Heechul following closely, "What's going on?"
Eeteuk put his phone back in his pocket, "We're meeting them in baggage. You guys ready?"
"Yeah, fine." Heechul sighed heavily, glancing at the display on his phone for the millionth time. Jongwoon knew he was feeling anxious, but he sort of envied him. At least he knew where he stood with Hankyung.
When they finally made it down a crowded escalator, they found SJM waiting around a carousel, Heechul pushed ahead of the group, one hand keeping the hood of his sweatshirt up as kamikaze-ed an unsuspecting Hankyung. After a moment of confusion and panic, Hankyung realized who it was hanging from his shoulders, and embraced him for as long as he was, by social custom, allowed.
Similar hugs were exchanged along with pats on the shoulder as everyone gathered their luggage. Jongwoon finally spotted Ryeowook, struggling to lift his case away from the constant motion of the carousel.
As quietly as possible, he snuck up behind Ryeowook, lifting the suitcase with ease. Ryeowook turned to face him, startled, "H-Hyung?"
The smile he had on dropped as he got a good look at Ryeowook, he looked completely burnt out. The thin skin around his eyes seemed like it was bruised and pulled too tight, his complexion was almost grey in color, his cheekbones standing out more than Jongwoon recalled, the line of his jaw was razor sharp.
With every observation, Jongwoon's frown deepened. When he met Ryeowook's eyes, he saw tears welling up. Ryeowook was wide eyed, looking at him unsure and a little scared.
He made a quick decision to deal with this later as he smiled disarmingly, reaching a hand up to tousle Ryeowook's hair, knocking his sunglasses down to cover his eyes. Ryeowook handed him a hesitant smile as Jongwoon wrapped a friendly arm around his shoulders and steered them towards the exit, to the car waiting outside.
As they walked, Jongwoon could feel delicate bones rising against his arm, the push of his collarbone over the curve of a shoulder, the nape of his neck now leading down to protruding vertebrae. He slipped a hand down to wrap around just above Ryeowook's waist, he dragged his fingertips to skip over pronounced ribs ending on the blatant edge of his hipbone as they reached the car.
Once everyone had loaded their bags and clambered in, the car was silent. No one would meet Jongwoon's eyes. He stared at Hankyung who was looking more than a little uncomfortable as he eyed Heechul's hand in his.
Ryeowook was curled up next to him on the bench seat, watching Jongwoon look for someone to blame.
Siwon looked up as Ryeowook tried to muffle the first of his sobs against the sleeve of his sweatshirt. Eeteuk turned from the passenger seat, concerned, "Ryeowookie, what's the matter? Do you feel okay?"
Ryeowook sniffled, pressing further into Jongwoon, "I'm just happy to be back."
Jongwoon caught Hankyung's eye for a moment, his eyes narrowed accusingly, 'You let him get sick.'
Donghae sighed and dropped his head into his hands, Siwon stared out the window as Kyuhyun began to sing a few lines of a song just under the sound of Ryeowook's muffled crying.
Jongwoon carried in Ryeowook's case, setting it down on his own bed before pushing Ryeowook into his, "You need to lie down."
He didn't even bother protesting, he just wriggled out of his sweatshirt and dragged the covers over himself. Jongwoon unpacked his suitcase the best he could, tucking away the clothing, stacking up the toiletries where he knew they belonged, and plugging in his phone to charge.
When he'd finished, he glanced at Ryeowook (sleeping soundly) and went to grab some food from the kitchen.
He returned with kimchi and fried rice. Ryeowook blinked at him for a few moments as Jongwoon set the food down on the bedside table, "Eat."
Ryeowook glanced at the food, yawning, "I'm too tired, hyung. Can't I just sleep?"
"Ryeowook, eat."
He pulled a face, "I'm not hungry."
"Good thing I didn't ask." he snorted placing the chopsticks in Ryeowook's hand, "Now are you going to feed yourself...?"
He let the threat go unvoiced. Ryeowook sighed, grumbling as he dipped his chopsticks into the food.
He made it through half the plate before he set it down, groaning, "I'm full, I can't finish."
Jongwoon rolled his eyes, "How can you be full? You look like you haven't eaten in weeks!"
The blank stare Ryeowook gave him made a cold doubt settle in his stomach, he was sure the others made sure Ryeowook ate well. But then, why did he come back looking like this?
Ignoring his doubts, Jongwoon convinced Ryeowook to finish the food. He brought the dishes into the kitchen, leaving them to soak in the sink. When he got back to the room, Ryeowook was back under the blankets, "Jongwoon, can I sleep with you tonight?"
Reaching out for the edge of his desk, he tried to steady himself as he felt his knees go watery at Ryeowook's request, "Sorry, what?"
"I just missed you, hyung. Please?" Ryeowook patted the space next to him.
'Oh. OH.' He laid a hand to his forehead and resisted the urge to pinch himself, "Uh, sure, I guess."
***
"and the things you do endear you to me/oh you know I will."
After changing into a pair of track bottoms, he climbed into the bed next to Ryeowook, who snuggled back against Jongwoon, tugging one of Jongwoon's arms around himself.
Several minutes later, just when Jongwoon's thoughts began to drift between dreams and consciousness, he felt Ryeowook mummer against his chest, "Jongwoon?"
"Mmph?"
"I love you, too."
He was immediately shot into awareness, a flood of adrenaline caused his muscles to tighten, his stomach dropped and head spun; his body was thinking, fightorflight!, but he didn't know if he could actually move.
When his throat opened up enough for him to squeeze out a few words, he rasped, "You were awake?"
Ryeowook pulled back from him, in the dim lighting he could just barely make out the confusion in the draw of Ryeowook's brows, "Awake?"
Jongwoon nodded, "Yeah. I called you when you were in China and I thought you were asleep and I-"
"Hyung, I have no idea what you're talking about." he could hear the blush in Ryeowook's voice as he continued, "I just sort of assumed. I mean, you always look out for me and take care of me. I- just... I'm sorry. Forget I-"
Jongwoon cut him off, nearly shouting, "No! No. I mean. Of course I love you, Ryeowook."
He'd have said more, said anything Ryeowook wanted to hear at that point, but a pair of too-skinny arms wound around his waist and squeezed hard enough to knock the air out of him.
It was a great feeling.
The next morning, he accidently spilled hot coffee over his hand; which may or may not have been because he was too busy staring at Ryeowook mouthing the words to a song on the television. He ducked his head and tried to hide the pain, embarrassed.
But Ryeowook got up from his seat at the table, laughing not unkindly. He brought Jongwoon over to the sink and ran cool water over his hand, "Sorry."
He knows Ryeowook won't understand why he's apologizing, but he couldn't work out how to say, 'I know I'm not coordinated enough to deserve your love, to deserve you.' He flushed, more ashamed than usual of his clumsiness.
Ryeowook dried Jongwoon's injured hand gently, placing a feather light kiss to it before leaning up to press another against the corner of Jongwoon's lips. Then again, Ryeowook might get it, because he whispered in a sweet, soft voice, "Don't apologize, hyung. I've loved you from the start," he smiled, eyes soft, "-even lying face-down in a hallway."
Jongwoon thought about how much he'd missed seeing that smile in front of him, directed at him.
In the single, most brilliant moment of his life, Jongwoon realizes that the way Ryeowook smiles at him is different than the smile he has on in front of the camera, different from the way he smiles at the other members. And in that unbelievable minute when Ryeowook's lips are finally, finally against his, he knows that Ryeowook really doesn't smile at anyone quite the same way he smiles at Jongwoon.
Fandom: Super Junior
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Yewook
Summary: In which Jongwoon is lovesick and Ryeowook is understanding
A/N: I hate this, haha. Concrit would be greatly appreciated. If anyone can come up with a better honorific for the vocal coach, I'd appreciate your input. Warning for BRIEF mention of Only 13. And... I think that's about it. Lyrics are from I Will//Allison Krauss
For previous parts: (though they can be read as stand alones) Hanchul | Eunhae | Henbum
"I Will"
"You know, when you really love someone- You just go for it!" Henry, Gao Bai//SJM
Ryeowook has a smile like all things good in the world, it's the kind of smile you can't help but return, even if it breaks your heart a little because you know it's never going to be a smile that's just for you.
Jongwoon knows he's not the type of person that will make anyone experience love at first sight, especially if the first time someone meets him, he's splayed out on the floor, face first, the result of tripping over his own two feet. But the smile Ryeowook gave him as he helped him up definitely did a number on him, "Are you alright?"
He can't remember what he said in response, if he'd even thanked him, because the next thing he knew Ryeowook was laughing shyly behind the most beautiful hands he'd seen, he spoke without thinking, "Do you play piano?"
Ryeowook dropped his hands, still smiling he shrugged, "Sometimes,"
Jongwoon did his best to smile back, still slightly stunned, "I'd love to watch you play sometime."
He lifted a delicate eyebrow in question, "Watch?"
"Listen, I meant listen! Sorry, I uh must've hit my head..." he trailed off lamely, feeling his face color.
A group of rowdy boys pushed out of one of the adjacent rooms, one of the smaller ones spotted them and waved shouting. Ryeowook waved back just as pleased but decidedly less enthusiastic, when he turned to face Jongwoon he had a sparkle in his eyes and a playful tilt to his lips, "Yeah. Maybe someday."
The boys congregated around them, the one who shouted wrapped a friendly arm around Ryeowook, "Hey, making new friends?"
Ryeowook blushed and shoved him, "Be quiet, Sungmin."
"You know that's impossible," Sungmin said, rolling his eyes as he tugged on Ryeowook's hand, "Well you better say goodbye, we've got Vocal in five."
It took a lot to stop himself from glaring at Sungmin, but his annoyance was quickly diffused by Ryeowook's smile, "I'll see you around um..." he trailed off meaningfully and it took a few embarrassing seconds for Jongwoon to catch up.
"Oh uh. Jongwoon, my name's Jongwoon."
***
Later on, he realized he'd never gotten Ryeowook's name. He waited in the hallway they'd met in for close to forty five minutes, but there was no sign of him. He wasn't that bothered by it. Tomorrow was another day, and the building wasn't all that big.
He spent most of his free time in that hallway for the following week, leaning against the wall, earphones in, scanning the crowd for a smile. But Ryeowook never came back down that hall. He compromised with himself, decided that even if nothing came of it, he was still happy to feel this kind of love.
Their schedules shifted three weeks later, and Jongwoon ended up with a session in Music Composition two times a week for three and a half hours. He wouldn't be able to wait in the hallway anymore, he realized as he scanned his timetable. Immediately, he knew he was going to hate Composition.
He sighed, shouldering his carry-all as he walked into the scheduled meeting place, taking a seat at the back so he could zone out without getting reprimanded. He pulled out a spiral notebook and started to doodle in the margins, occasionally scribbling down the notes he thought were most useful.
Around an hour later, he'd just finished up a rather accurate drawing of their vocal coach getting eaten by a giant lizard when he heard the door open. He didn't bother looking up as someone ducked in and hurried to the back of the room. The late-comer pulled out the chair next to Jongwoon, settling down quietly.
The next thing he knew, his notebook was pulled out of his grasp. Before he had a chance to complain, it was slid back over, a new note in the margin, Jongwoon-shi?
His eyebrows rose as he turned to look and felt everything else around him swerve as Ryeowook came into focus, smiling brightly. Jongwoon took a deep breath, avoiding hyperventilation as he smiled back. He turned back to the notebook, his pen hovering over the page, what the hell was he supposed to say now...
Hey. So you're in here too?
Yeah. It was a last minute thing though.
I didn't get the chance to introduce myself, I'm Ryeowook :)
Nice to meet you. :D
Likewise. Sorry I couldn't stay to talk last time, Sungmin's sort of pushy.
It's okay, it worked out in the end, right?
Ryeowook read his response and smiled shyly before writing back, Are you busy after this?
Jongwoon suddenly felt very lucky that breathing was an involuntary action, No. What's up?
I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to go get coffee or something. I need to borrow your notes from the first hour.
Jongwoon nodded, agreeing before he realized that he hadn't really taken any notes in the beginning. He panicked for a minute, then settled on stealing Jaejoong's.
Is that Jung Hwa-seonsaeng?
He glanced down and realized he'd never erased the unflattering sketch of their vocal coach becoming a meal for a lizard, ...It might be...
Ryeowook covered his smile with one hand while he scribbled out a response with the other, I would have made it a shark.
Later on, they sat at a small table in a cafe around the corner, staring awkwardly over cups of coffee. Jongwoon was too nervous to start up any kind of conversation, he could barely look Ryeowook in the eye.
Until Ryeowook started to laugh, quietly at first, then progressively louder. And for some reason Jongwoon began to laugh along with him. He felt a bittersweet tightening in his chest at the sound of Ryeowook's voice, the sudden rush of emotion combined with his nerves making him laugh even harder. Across from him, Ryeowook was bright red, clutching his stomach. The other patrons stared at them curiously.
When they'd finally calmed down, they grinned at each other. Ryeowook called the waitress over and requested a chocolate milkshake, pushing the cold coffee away from him. Jongwoon smiled and accepted a refill for his empty mug.
***
"So. Yesung, huh?"
Jongwoon flushed and looked over to see Ryeowook leaning against the doorjamb, duffel slung over his shoulder.
"Yeah, I uh- well, they sort of just told me that's what it was going to be. I mean, I didn't have much of a say..." his tongue slip-tripped over the syllables, jarred by the teasing tone of Ryeowook's voice.
Ryeowook stepped further into the room, eyeing the empty bed across from the one Jongwoon had claimed as his own. He set his bag down on it before stepping closer to Jongwoon, invading his personal space with a grin.
Surprised, or just naturally accident prone, Jongwoon backed himself right into the rolling desk chair and ended up going ass over tea kettle onto the floor, taking the chair down with him. He contemplated whether or not it would be better to just stay down. He groaned and opened his eyes to see Ryeowook leaning over him, eyes wide, a hand clapped over his mouth, "Oh, Yesung!"
He lifted himself onto his forearms and sighed, "No. No matter what they tell you, I'm pretty sure I'm still just Jongwoon."
Ryeowook crouched down next to him, "Yesung suits you, hyung. You've earned it," he paused, considering, "But, I like Jongwoon all the same."
Rooming with Ryeowook was both a great thing, and a terrible thing. Great because he got to spend late nights talking with Ryeowook and got to wake up to him every morning. But, he was also around to witness Jongwoon's least charismatic moments, including (but not limited to) tripping, spilling, dropping, flailing, missing etc.
Ryeowook saw him with bedhead, bad skin and sick with the flu that one time. But he never treated Jongwoon any differently, despite having been exposed to nearly all of his faults. If anything, they got even closer.
But right then, that didn't really register in Jongwoon's mind as he stood in the middle of the kitchen in a face-off with Ryeowook.
"I told you Jongwoon, I can take care of myself."
"And I told you, that you suck at it. Just do what your hyung says."
"Well, you can't just boss me around every time you decide you don't like what I'm doing!"
"The hell I can't! Ryeowook, juice is not a meal. Now sit down and eat something, or so help me God I will forcefeed you myself!" he roared, slamming his hand down on the table.
His eyes widened as Ryeowook's filled with tears, "R-Ryeowook, I didn't mean- fuck."
Ryeowook sent him one last piercing glare and spun on his heel, heading out of the kitchen.
Jongwoon muttered a curse and wiped a hand down his face, 'Good going.'
He found Ryeowook in Donghae's room. They looked up when he pushed the door open, Donghae seemed a little nervous as he excused himself. Ryeowook refused to look at him, even when he sat down and took Ryeowook's hand, "I'm so sorry, Ryeowook. Honestly. I didn't mean to yell. I'm just worried, I-"
"-Then you should have just said so!" When he finally met Jongwoon's eyes, he wasn't crying, but he certainly looked like he had been. Jongwoon cringed.
He hung his head, "I'm sorry."
Ryeowook sighed, scooting closer, "Me too."
Wrapping an arm around Ryeowook's shoulders, he tried, "Would now be a bad time to ask what you want for dinner?"
For a small guy, Ryeowook hits hard.
When Ryeowook got recruited for SJM, Jongwoon called him whenever he could. He did his best to soothe him when he was homesick, shared in his excitement when things were going well, got angry for him when things weren't.
But even through all these emotions, Jongwoon always hung up with a heavy heart, knowing that they would probably never share in the emotion that was most overwhelming to him. Through everything else, there was always love for Ryeowook. A feeling so strong, it somehow made him weak.
One night when Ryeowook was particularly upset after a long day of never ending schedules, Only 13, a sore throat and homesickness, Jongwoon accidently let it slip that he has feelings for Ryeowook. His eyes widened even as his mouth continued to form the words, his shock coming seconds too late. He froze, waiting for a response, but all he heard was Ryeowook's soft, even breathing.
'Asleep,' he thought 'thank God.' There was a twinge of disappointment he didn't let himself dwell on.
***
Their plane was scheduled to land in half an hour. Jongwoon rocked nervously on his heels, staring out at the tarmac, willing each plane that landed to be Ryeowook's.
He caught a glimpse of his reflection in the pane of glass, a mark on his cheek standing out. He grimaced, wishing he had a way to cover it up. He dreaded explaining it to Ryeowook, 'Yeah, I was in such a hurry to get into the car, I tripped into an opening door. No big deal.'
Over his shoulder, Eeteuk's cell went off. Kangin glared at him as the sound of SNSD's latest single rang out.
"Kangin, it's just a ringtone. Honestly," Eeteuk tsk-ed and pushed the call button as Kangin continued to grumble about cheating boyfriends, "Yeah. Okay. That's fine, we'll meet him there."
Jongwoon made his way over, Heechul following closely, "What's going on?"
Eeteuk put his phone back in his pocket, "We're meeting them in baggage. You guys ready?"
"Yeah, fine." Heechul sighed heavily, glancing at the display on his phone for the millionth time. Jongwoon knew he was feeling anxious, but he sort of envied him. At least he knew where he stood with Hankyung.
When they finally made it down a crowded escalator, they found SJM waiting around a carousel, Heechul pushed ahead of the group, one hand keeping the hood of his sweatshirt up as kamikaze-ed an unsuspecting Hankyung. After a moment of confusion and panic, Hankyung realized who it was hanging from his shoulders, and embraced him for as long as he was, by social custom, allowed.
Similar hugs were exchanged along with pats on the shoulder as everyone gathered their luggage. Jongwoon finally spotted Ryeowook, struggling to lift his case away from the constant motion of the carousel.
As quietly as possible, he snuck up behind Ryeowook, lifting the suitcase with ease. Ryeowook turned to face him, startled, "H-Hyung?"
The smile he had on dropped as he got a good look at Ryeowook, he looked completely burnt out. The thin skin around his eyes seemed like it was bruised and pulled too tight, his complexion was almost grey in color, his cheekbones standing out more than Jongwoon recalled, the line of his jaw was razor sharp.
With every observation, Jongwoon's frown deepened. When he met Ryeowook's eyes, he saw tears welling up. Ryeowook was wide eyed, looking at him unsure and a little scared.
He made a quick decision to deal with this later as he smiled disarmingly, reaching a hand up to tousle Ryeowook's hair, knocking his sunglasses down to cover his eyes. Ryeowook handed him a hesitant smile as Jongwoon wrapped a friendly arm around his shoulders and steered them towards the exit, to the car waiting outside.
As they walked, Jongwoon could feel delicate bones rising against his arm, the push of his collarbone over the curve of a shoulder, the nape of his neck now leading down to protruding vertebrae. He slipped a hand down to wrap around just above Ryeowook's waist, he dragged his fingertips to skip over pronounced ribs ending on the blatant edge of his hipbone as they reached the car.
Once everyone had loaded their bags and clambered in, the car was silent. No one would meet Jongwoon's eyes. He stared at Hankyung who was looking more than a little uncomfortable as he eyed Heechul's hand in his.
Ryeowook was curled up next to him on the bench seat, watching Jongwoon look for someone to blame.
Siwon looked up as Ryeowook tried to muffle the first of his sobs against the sleeve of his sweatshirt. Eeteuk turned from the passenger seat, concerned, "Ryeowookie, what's the matter? Do you feel okay?"
Ryeowook sniffled, pressing further into Jongwoon, "I'm just happy to be back."
Jongwoon caught Hankyung's eye for a moment, his eyes narrowed accusingly, 'You let him get sick.'
Donghae sighed and dropped his head into his hands, Siwon stared out the window as Kyuhyun began to sing a few lines of a song just under the sound of Ryeowook's muffled crying.
Jongwoon carried in Ryeowook's case, setting it down on his own bed before pushing Ryeowook into his, "You need to lie down."
He didn't even bother protesting, he just wriggled out of his sweatshirt and dragged the covers over himself. Jongwoon unpacked his suitcase the best he could, tucking away the clothing, stacking up the toiletries where he knew they belonged, and plugging in his phone to charge.
When he'd finished, he glanced at Ryeowook (sleeping soundly) and went to grab some food from the kitchen.
He returned with kimchi and fried rice. Ryeowook blinked at him for a few moments as Jongwoon set the food down on the bedside table, "Eat."
Ryeowook glanced at the food, yawning, "I'm too tired, hyung. Can't I just sleep?"
"Ryeowook, eat."
He pulled a face, "I'm not hungry."
"Good thing I didn't ask." he snorted placing the chopsticks in Ryeowook's hand, "Now are you going to feed yourself...?"
He let the threat go unvoiced. Ryeowook sighed, grumbling as he dipped his chopsticks into the food.
He made it through half the plate before he set it down, groaning, "I'm full, I can't finish."
Jongwoon rolled his eyes, "How can you be full? You look like you haven't eaten in weeks!"
The blank stare Ryeowook gave him made a cold doubt settle in his stomach, he was sure the others made sure Ryeowook ate well. But then, why did he come back looking like this?
Ignoring his doubts, Jongwoon convinced Ryeowook to finish the food. He brought the dishes into the kitchen, leaving them to soak in the sink. When he got back to the room, Ryeowook was back under the blankets, "Jongwoon, can I sleep with you tonight?"
Reaching out for the edge of his desk, he tried to steady himself as he felt his knees go watery at Ryeowook's request, "Sorry, what?"
"I just missed you, hyung. Please?" Ryeowook patted the space next to him.
'Oh. OH.' He laid a hand to his forehead and resisted the urge to pinch himself, "Uh, sure, I guess."
***
After changing into a pair of track bottoms, he climbed into the bed next to Ryeowook, who snuggled back against Jongwoon, tugging one of Jongwoon's arms around himself.
Several minutes later, just when Jongwoon's thoughts began to drift between dreams and consciousness, he felt Ryeowook mummer against his chest, "Jongwoon?"
"Mmph?"
"I love you, too."
He was immediately shot into awareness, a flood of adrenaline caused his muscles to tighten, his stomach dropped and head spun; his body was thinking, fightorflight!, but he didn't know if he could actually move.
When his throat opened up enough for him to squeeze out a few words, he rasped, "You were awake?"
Ryeowook pulled back from him, in the dim lighting he could just barely make out the confusion in the draw of Ryeowook's brows, "Awake?"
Jongwoon nodded, "Yeah. I called you when you were in China and I thought you were asleep and I-"
"Hyung, I have no idea what you're talking about." he could hear the blush in Ryeowook's voice as he continued, "I just sort of assumed. I mean, you always look out for me and take care of me. I- just... I'm sorry. Forget I-"
Jongwoon cut him off, nearly shouting, "No! No. I mean. Of course I love you, Ryeowook."
He'd have said more, said anything Ryeowook wanted to hear at that point, but a pair of too-skinny arms wound around his waist and squeezed hard enough to knock the air out of him.
It was a great feeling.
The next morning, he accidently spilled hot coffee over his hand; which may or may not have been because he was too busy staring at Ryeowook mouthing the words to a song on the television. He ducked his head and tried to hide the pain, embarrassed.
But Ryeowook got up from his seat at the table, laughing not unkindly. He brought Jongwoon over to the sink and ran cool water over his hand, "Sorry."
He knows Ryeowook won't understand why he's apologizing, but he couldn't work out how to say, 'I know I'm not coordinated enough to deserve your love, to deserve you.' He flushed, more ashamed than usual of his clumsiness.
Ryeowook dried Jongwoon's injured hand gently, placing a feather light kiss to it before leaning up to press another against the corner of Jongwoon's lips. Then again, Ryeowook might get it, because he whispered in a sweet, soft voice, "Don't apologize, hyung. I've loved you from the start," he smiled, eyes soft, "-even lying face-down in a hallway."
Jongwoon thought about how much he'd missed seeing that smile in front of him, directed at him.
In the single, most brilliant moment of his life, Jongwoon realizes that the way Ryeowook smiles at him is different than the smile he has on in front of the camera, different from the way he smiles at the other members. And in that unbelievable minute when Ryeowook's lips are finally, finally against his, he knows that Ryeowook really doesn't smile at anyone quite the same way he smiles at Jongwoon.
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Date: 2010-02-01 05:49 am (UTC)There are a few tense changes and spelling mistakes, but these are minor - the plot itself is lovely, and the way you wrote them is JUST FANTASTIC. Sobbing, I love this so hard, omg, you captured them so amazingly! ♥
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Date: 2010-02-01 06:07 am (UTC)Yeah, I was trying to proof it and I just finished changing a few things around. I dunno why, but I kept writing this in present tense D:
I'M SO HAPPEH! ;_;
I can't even tell you how bad I felt for posting this haha, I'm so glad you liked it though! It's a huge compliment coming from you lol
Thanks!!
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Date: 2010-02-01 06:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-02-01 06:24 am (UTC)It's possible that I also read everything on Miracle... 'Cause like, you know, college is terribly overrated >.>"
/veryhappy!
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Date: 2010-02-01 05:56 am (UTC)*sleepy*
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Date: 2010-02-01 06:08 am (UTC)omg yeah, it's late haha
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Date: 2010-02-01 05:58 am (UTC)*_* the first paragraph is my favourite, it sticks in my brain sjdfjksd ILU JFC WRITE MORE. WRITE ALL THE TIME.
/pimps fic to everyone I know
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Date: 2010-02-01 06:09 am (UTC)First paragraph is just silliness. And it's supposed to come back around, but I think it's just too long to do that. So I dunno... D:
/humps vampau
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Date: 2010-02-01 06:40 am (UTC)I miss YEWOOK.
Thank you for this. ^_^
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Date: 2010-02-01 06:43 am (UTC);_; I'm pretty sure this is actually the worst haha, But thanks! I'm glad you liked it!
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Date: 2010-02-01 08:09 am (UTC)Nah. I like this best. ^_______^
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Date: 2010-02-01 07:36 am (UTC)<3
loved every bit of it.
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Date: 2010-02-01 01:43 pm (UTC)Thanks for commenting!!
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Date: 2010-02-01 11:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-02-02 02:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-02-02 02:33 am (UTC)seriously, don't you dare to stop of writing ;-;
so so SO sweet T_T
i am melting here ♥______♥
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Date: 2010-02-02 02:42 am (UTC)I dunno, it was a little too fluffy for me, but Yewook does that to me lol
/squishes you
You're too nice!!!
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Date: 2010-02-03 06:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-02-03 06:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-24 08:37 am (UTC)