remixied: (life skills lesson one)
[personal profile] remixied

There is so little keeping me in fandom right now. I'm looking at my wips and thinking, "just finish and post and don't look back." But then I go to the community and I see those people and I try to think like he does and imagine the best in each of them. It's against my nature to assume the best of people, even to assume anything but the absolute worst, but I'm trying to learn from a very good example. So each of those names means something to me and I'm so grateful, really, and utterly undeserving. Fandom's given me so much to be thankful for but I'm just not sure how much longer I can take all the bullshit. I want to believe that I don't have communication with people who hate Zhou Mi and Henry or people who wank on my friends for fun, but the reality is, I probably do.

God, this is so hard to articulate. I'm tired and upset and I feel like I've been crossed in the worst way possible. I just want to crawl into bed and wakeup to a fandom that can fucking get along with each other and have nice things. I don't want a fandom that bitches about getting no goodfic and then shits on the people who're trying to write it. It's petty and disgusting. You're on the fucking internet and acting like that big of a douche- I can't imagine what a fucking ray of sunshine you must be in real life. I comfort myself with the fact that people who can call a girl out on her own unrelated personal life or insult two of the most harmless boys ever must be someone disgusting- if you have the capacity for that kind of shit there must not be very much room left in you for good. You think that makes people want to be around you? Unlikely. I sincerely hope those people are left alone to suffer in their own misery. Even better if they could manage to keep their bullshit to themselves and writhe quietly.

I really enjoyed fandom when I first came in, I thought everyone was extremely welcoming and I felt lucky that they were giving me and my fic the benefit of the doubt (can you tell how mistrustful I am? /projects forever). But then I found out about fandom's shitty like idek the word for it rn. But the people who fucking swallow whatever shit they're fed and then spew it back on command.

I wish people could think for themselves. Don't see some shit posted about a person and think, wow that must be true. BECAUSE IT'S THE FUCKING INTERNET, YO. AND BECAUSE CHUCK NORRIS SAID ALL THE SHIT ON THERE IS FOR FUCKING REAL. PITY THE FOOL WHO DON'T BELIEVE. Honestly. Grab two fucking braincells and form your own opinion based on your own experiences or you're gonna end up following the majority of this fandom right over the cliff edge they're headed for. And gee, won't you look real fucking dumb after that.

I gave up on shit like writing for feedback and making new friends. For a while now, I've been in this for the friends I've made so far, just sticking it out to be with them. But now they're either getting driven out or realising what a fucked up fandom this is and peacing out of their own volition. I don't want to lose the people I've gotten so close to, especially not over stupid things like OTP wars and the like.

I just. idk how Zhou Mi manages. Boy deserves the fucking world and all he gets is this kind of bullshit. I don't want to lose him either :/ I really look forward to his updates and everything. I still haven't recovered from Sungmin leaving and the heartache those jizzrags put him through. wtf is their damage? idek anymore.

jhgfdgjkl I still don't know how to feel about him either.

[EDIT]: I feel like I should say that I'm not planning on leaving just yet. Also, that I get that the median age in fandom is gonna lead to a lot of bullshit- I'm not confused about that, I know wank is an inevitable thing when it comes to the internet in general. But I also feel like it's pathetic that the reality here is that you can't expect a fifteen year old to act with a modicum of empathy and maturity, that fandom is fucking ripe to breed this shit for a million different reasons. My issue is more like it's hard for me to watch my friends get hurt and not be able to do anything about it. I'm not worth much and it wouldn't punish anyone if I left fandom, there's no one to call out and nothing to say even if I could. Right now I'm just focusing on my flist. There were times when I felt like a bitch for saying no to friend requests/adds, but now I'm really glad that I was so specific about who I'd friend. I really feel like my flist is made up of the best fandom has to offer and I'm really lucky to know you all. This entry is just me being upset about the fact that, if it comes down to it, there's nothing I can really do for you (or my boys) in the face of shit like wank- no matter how much I owe y'all for having been there for me through rl problems etc etc. It's just frustrating. But so long as the benefit of having such an amazing, incomparable flist still outweighs the other shit, then you can count me in.

and my supportive message to Zhou Mi got censored. WHAT IS MY LIFE.

Date: 2011-01-02 07:31 am (UTC)
koyuki: (Default)
From: [personal profile] koyuki
lmao unlike ari_enne, I actually don't know how to swear in Chinese (i think. i could be wrong on this). 8D so if i'd translated you, i wouldn't be censoring you purposefully orz

yeah idk. i'm this close to quitting fandom in general, and i've been going more and more disenchanted over the last few years. :\ translating these fan messages is helping me feel a little better though. ._. ♥

also: if someone actually translated the message I'd posted, I think they'd kill me. I'm headdesking all over the place over this English. WHY IS ENGLISH SO FUCKING IDIOMATIC
Edited Date: 2011-01-02 07:33 am (UTC)

Date: 2011-01-02 09:54 am (UTC)
outstretched: A chibified cute furret on a brown backround (Default)
From: [personal profile] outstretched
I had a long comment typed up and then decided it was stupid. TL;DR: you're really awesome, and I would be really sad if you left because I've barely gotten to know you yet; I really want to look forward to more fic from you in the future; it's the Internet, you'll find ridiculously stupid people everywhere you go; yes, a majority of fans are insane but you're not, so don't let the hate get you down because that's like letting them win; and fandom's what you make of it.

I'm sure you knew all that already but I thought it might bear repeating.


Unrelated, UConn's football team was playing on TV today and I thought of you. ♥ Also your comment to Zhou Mi was hilarious. O U. I wish I could see Mi's face if he could read an accurate translation.

Date: 2011-01-02 10:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Much like [ profile] lark I wrote a long comment that was TL;DR and it boiled down to:
Stupid hater are stupid and should GTFO AND DIAF, I adore your writing (and not just the porn hurr), and I admire your bravery in posting what you write, saying what you mean, and swearing whenever you like. :D

Date: 2011-01-02 04:11 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] mandaffodil
fandom has been testing my patience so much these past few weeks, i don't even know. ;________;

i've never been in a fandom that jerked me around like this before. it's nonstop drama, and normally i don't concern myself with that sort of thing because i'm not one to stir up conflict, but it's fucking impossible to avoid here. IMPOSSIBLE. there is such an insane disconnect between the subject matter of this fandom and its atmosphere. who expects to get into the fandom of an adorkable boyband and find vicious hate? NOT ME, THAT'S FOR SURE. it was a real slap in the face i'm still stinging from.

at times like this, i watch all the old videos i have of them on my computer and try to remind myself that i love them more than i hate their fandom. but who knows how long that'll be true? idk, hang in there. ♥ if a strong person like you can't take it, i don't know what'll happen to me. ;A; /hugs

Date: 2011-01-02 05:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
it's the saddest thing ever, this fandom of mine. it's so hard to not slip into nonkpop shit, now. god, i used to be so into this.

but, as much as i would understand if you did, don't leave. </3

Date: 2011-01-02 06:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
a lot of the suju fandom are 13 year old girls who love drama (i mean, it is a boyband fandom, c'mon). that immaturity, combined with admittedly shitty circumstances and internet anonymity = douchebags.
everybody gets burnt out sometimes. for me, it's comebacks. i just can't handle them and it usually means i take a break from the fandom for a while. rewatch their shows, put dancing out on repeat, sort pictures, reread some fanfic, watch youtube clips of them being adorable/talented/stupid/hilarious/homoerotic/all of the above. it's better with friends. maybe do some drabbles if you're feeling pepped out. you can always surprise yourself.
staying away from bad shit until you feel more equipped to handle it isn't weakness, it's strategy. reminding yourself why you stay in fandom is always a good idea...and if, after watching EHB kissing cuts and Ryeowook losing his shoe and Henry dancing with a violin, listening to their first album and watching the haengbok mv, you still feel the same...well, there are other groups. good luck bb.

Date: 2011-01-02 07:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I think our problem is we're past all of the highschool ~dramatic~ bullshit that the majority of these trolls/crazy fucking dickwads are into. You know, stirring up shit and just being fucking dumb in general, rushing head first into war without using their brains to think that oh, maybe you know, the other side is the correct side.

idek. I'm done with highschool bullshit, but. I can't fucking leave this fandom. :/ Not yet, anyway, so. If you decide to stay you'll have this person on her dramaless island, dreaming about sex all day and starting 49758989834 wips. You're free to join me if you like. ♥

Zhou Mi, I can't even. The boy gets fucking hacked and beaten and torn at verbally and mentally by so many people and he fucking apologizes to his fans for having to close down his weibo. I'll never be as nice as he is and I really wish more people would follow his example. Unknot their panties, put down the spears, and idk. Post pictures of their dog in a sailor costume. Zhou Mi makes at least a portion of the world a better place and I love him for his confidence, honesty, and kind heart.


Date: 2011-01-02 11:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
hey, you /hugs. i feel you. for once i'm actually in a pretty decent place to talk about this and i feel justified to give you my opinion on the matter. :L unless you wrap yourself in a little bubble in fandom, you're going to get hit with some shit. there are people in spn fandom who are too afraid to go on forums because they know sam will be bashed the shit out of; people are already being driven out of inception fandom because of the wank (dear god, this fandom is barely half a year old, if that) etc. etc. if you can't find a place, even on your own flist, where this shit is avoidable, then there's no point. :\ it's not supposed to make you miserable or stressed. we wouldn't accept this sort of thing irl, why do we do it on the internet? it's odd, maan.

even if you take a break, there's no reason you can't come back either. :) people have short attention spans. although dear god, OTP wars? are you fucking serious? i don't think even i experienced that crap. afjklsd this comment is all over the place.

TL;DR, COOL STORY BRO: DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. don't feel obligated to something like FANDOM. what even is it? you've made a ton of friends that aren't going anywhere. you've gained a lot. when it starts getting taken away, or the bad outweighs the good, then's the time to say goodbye.

anyway, i hope you're doing well, lovely. :) i'd love to speak to you properly soon, i hope you have time for msn in the future! ♥

Date: 2011-01-02 11:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
also, i'm not even sure if i want to know the answer to this, but what's happening with zhou mi? srsly, henry and mi come into it and my protective instincts still hackle.

Date: 2011-01-04 10:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
if you leave me....


Date: 2011-05-11 06:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I'm late to the party but I feel ya.
Can't there be a separate fandom for adults who like to spazz over talented adorkable guys sans drama?


remixied: (Default)

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